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What to text after a first date


Small circular headshot of Blaine smiling, gazing off to the leftBy Blaine Anderson
Last updated Nov 25, 2022
5 minute read

Texting after a first date can be tricky ðŸ“²ðŸ˜°

If you had fun on the date, you want to maintain momentum, but you don't want to sound too thirsty...

Worry not! We'll cover exactly:

  1. What to text after a first date
  2. How soon to text after a first date
  3. Why the three-day rule is dumb
  4. Other first date texting FAQs

 

Blaine in red outfit, walking outside away from the camera, looking back and smiling

By the way, if we haven't met...

I'm Blaine, and I'm a dating coach for men!

My advice on InstagramTikTok, and YouTube reaches 2+ million men every month, and I've been featured in the NYPost, Forbes, Vice i-D, Cosmo, and more.


 

Now without further ado, let's talk about texting!

1. What to text after a first date

Man wearing a suede jacket on a city street in the evening, looking at his phone

Exactly what to text a woman after a first date depends on:

  1. How'd your date go? If sparks were flying, the message is different than if you're not 100% sure where you stand.
  2. What do you want? If you're eager to plan a second date, you want to say something different than if you're questioning your compatibility.

If you're reading this article, though, chances are:

  1. You think the date went well, but you're not 100% sure
  2. You want a second date, but you don't want to say the wrong thing

In this case, a normal pattern to follow is:

📲💬 Message #1: Say you had fun, and reference a detail from your date

📲💬 Message #2: Ask her a question that continues the conversation

For example, let's say you went to Taco Tuesday for your date: 

📲💬 Message #1: Hey! I had fun with you last night. Those tacos were pretty good too :)

📲💬 Message #2: How are feeling today?

If you're struggling to find a detail from your date to mention, and you're generally less comfortable with text conversations, you can try a more direct approach:

📲💬 Message #1: Hey, I had fun meeting you last night!

📲💬 Message #2: I’d enjoy seeing you again, so lmk if you feel the same, and I’ll checkin with you later this week to set something up :)

The first approach is better because it's more conversational, and organic. Still, if she likes you and wants to see you again, the second approach will work just fine!

2. How soon to text after a first date

Man of Asian descent wearing a blazer at a cafe smiling at his phone

If you're just seeking a quick answer here...

Text her around noon the next day.

This is because:

  • Texting any sooner can signal you're TOO interested ðŸ˜¬
  • Texting any later can signal you're NOT interested ðŸ˜ª

The more accurate and nuanced answer, though, is...

The stronger your connection on the date, the sooner it's OK text.

For example, if you shared a hot-and-heavy kiss at the end, and you both couldn't stop blabbering about how you can't wait to see each other again, and you even made plans for a second date before you parted ways...

First off, good for you ðŸ˜

Second off, texting something like the following that same night might be appropriate:

📲💬 Message #1: I had the best time with you tonight

📲💬 Message #1: Lmk when you get home so I know you're safe ðŸ¥°

If you're not 100% sure when you should text, though, the safest choice is to just wait for around noon the next day, and use the message pattern we covered earlier!

3. Why the three-day rule is dumb

Man with short brown hair sitting on couch, looking at his phone

I'd not heard of the "three day rule" before preparing to write this article, but supposedly it states that you should wait three days to follow up after a first date.

I was hesitant to even address it here because...

The three day rule is a steaming pile of b.s. ðŸ’©

Still, I'm touching on it to dispel any misconceptions you have about texting women.

  • ☑️ It's true that looking too eager can signal desperation, which can turn women off... 
  • 🤢 However, acting like someone you're not (e.g. trying to "play it cool") always turns women off...
  • 🤷‍♀️ Also, women with options don't usually wait around for guys who play it cool...

In short, don't wait 3 days to text a woman after a date.

4. Everything else to know about texting post first date

Man with shaved head seated at a sports bar with a beer on the bar, holding his phone smiling

Before we wrap up, let's touch on four other post-first date texting FAQs.

Q: When should I ask her on a second date?

A: There's no rush to ask her on a second date. However, if you two formed a genuine connection, you'll want to see each other again within a week unless there's a reason you can't (e.g. you're out of town). Ask her on a second date once she signals she enjoyed your first date!

Q: What if she doesn't seem interested?

A: If she takes >24 hours to reply to your text, and she her response is tepid, she may not want a second date. And that's OK! There are 1,000 reasons she could lose interest that have nothing to do with you. The only way to know for sure if she is, or isn't, interested is to ask her out again.

Q: Is it OK to call instead of text after a first date?

A: There aren't firm rules here, but texting tends to be the norm for how people communicate between at least their first few dates. Unless you're confident she would appreciate a phone call, you're best off sticking to text.

Q: Will a woman ever text first after a date?

A: Sometimes! There aren't firm rules here either, and it's usually a good sign if a girl proactively texts you after a first date (unless of course her message is "I had fun, but...")

Wrap up & next steps

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Now that you know what to text after a first date...

Here are three ideas to help you land more first, second, third, fourth (and more!) dates ðŸ‘‡

Idea #1: Follow me on Instagram

I share dating tips and silly content about my personal life on my Instagram every single day.

Idea #2: Unlock my FREE guides

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I'd love to share my best FREE dating guides with you:

  • 📲 What I Swipe Right On (how to improve your matches on apps like Hinge fast)
  • 💬 Master The Message (how to create more chemistry via text)
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  • 😅 You're Nice, But... (dating 101 for "nice" guys)

Just tell me where to send them here!

I’ll share my free guides, plus a couple tips a month. 100% privacy, no spam or b.s.

Idea #3: Read more articles