EXACTLY What To Text After A First Date, From A Dating Coach

Last updated
April 18, 2023
[time]
minutes to read
EXACTLY What To Text After A First Date, From A Dating Coach

📲😰 Texting after a first date is tricky:

  • If you had fun on the date, you want to maintain momentum
  • But you also don't want to sound too thirsty

Worry not! So you never have to worry again...

Today we'll cover EXACTLY what to text a girl after a first date, with examples.

Let's dive in 🪂

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. What to text after a first date

Man wearing a suede jacket on a city street in the evening, looking at his phone

Exactly what to text a woman after a first date depends on:

  1. How'd your date go? If sparks were flying, the message is different than if you're not 100% sure where you stand.
  2. What do you want? If you're eager to plan a second date, you want to say something different than if you're questioning your compatibility.

If you're reading this article, though, chances are:

  1. You think the date went well, but you're not 100% sure
  2. You want a second date, but you don't want to say the wrong thing

In this case, a normal pattern to follow is:

  • ‍📲💬 Message #1: Say you had fun, and reference a detail from your date‍
  • 📲💬 Message #2: Ask her a question that continues the conversation

For example, let's say you went to Taco Tuesday for your date:

  • ‍📲💬 Message #1: Hey! I had fun with you last night. Those tacos were pretty good too :)‍
  • 📲💬 Message #2: How are feeling today?

If you're struggling to find a detail from your date to mention, and you're generally less comfortable with text conversations, you can try a more direct approach:‍

  • ‍📲💬 Message #1: Hey, I had fun meeting you last night!‍
  • 📲💬 Message #2: I’d enjoy seeing you again, so lmk if you feel the same, and I’ll checkin with you later this week to set something up :)

The first approach is better because it's more conversational, and organic.

Still, if she likes you and wants to see you again, the second approach will work just fine!

Btw — want more text scripts for common dating scenarios?

Check out my Texting OS course, which was recently featured in the New York Times :)

‍

2. How soon to text after a first date

Man of Asian descent wearing a blazer at a cafe smiling at his phone

If you're just seeking a quick answer here...

Text her around noon the next day.

This is because:

  • Texting any sooner can signal you're TOO interested 😬
  • Texting any later can signal you're NOT interested 😪

The more accurate and nuanced answer, though, is...

The stronger your connection on the date, the sooner it's OK text.

For example, if you shared a hot-and-heavy kiss at the end, and you both couldn't stop blabbering about how you can't wait to see each other again, and you even made plans for a second date before you parted ways...

First off, good for you 😏

Second off, texting something like the following that same night might be appropriate:‍

  • ‍📲💬 Message #1: I had the best time with you tonight‍
  • 📲💬 Message #2: Lmk when you get home so I know you're safe 🥰

If you're not 100% sure when you should text, though, the safest choice is to just wait for around noon the next day, and use the message pattern we covered earlier!

‍

3. Why the three-day rule is dumb

Man with short brown hair sitting on couch, looking at his phone

I'd not heard of the "three day rule" before preparing to write this article, but supposedly it states that you should wait three days to follow up after a first date.

I was hesitant to even address it here because...

The three day rule is a steaming pile of b.s. 💩

Still, I'm touching on it to dispel any misconceptions you have about texting women.

  • ☑️ It's true that looking too eager can signal desperation, which can turn women off...
  • 🤢 However, acting like someone you're not (e.g. trying to "play it cool") always turns women off...
  • 🤷‍♀️ Also, women with options don't usually wait around for guys who play it cool...

In short, do NOT wait 3 days to text a woman after a date.

‍

4. First Date Texting FAQ

Man with shaved head seated at a sports bar with a beer on the bar, holding his phone smiling

Before we wrap up, let's touch on four other post-first date texting FAQs.

Q: When should you ask a girl on a second date?

A: There's no rush to ask her on a second date. However, if you two formed a genuine connection, you'll want to see each other again within a week unless there's a reason you can't (e.g. you're out of town). Ask her on a second date once she signals she enjoyed your first date!

Q: What if she doesn't seem interested?

A: If she takes >24 hours to reply to your text, and she her response is tepid, she may not want a second date. And that's OK! There are 1,000 reasons she could lose interest that have nothing to do with you. The only way to know for sure if she is, or isn't, interested is to ask her out again.

Q: Is it OK to call instead of text after a first date?

A: There aren't firm rules here, but texting tends to be the norm for how people communicate between at least their first few dates. Unless you're confident she would appreciate a phone call, you're best off sticking to text.

Q: Will a woman ever text first after a date?

A: Sometimes! There aren't firm rules here either, and it's usually a good sign if a girl proactively texts you after a first date (unless of course her message is "I had fun, but...")

Wrap up & next steps

Now that you know what to text after a first date...

Here are three ideas to help you land more first, second, third, fourth (and more!) dates 👇

Idea #1: Follow me on Instagram

I share dating tips and silly content about my personal life on my Instagram every single day!

Idea #2: Unlock my best guides

I'd love to share my best FREE dating guides with you:

  1. 📲 What I Swipe Right On (how to improve your matches on apps like Hinge fast)
  2. 💬 Master The Message (what to text to create more chemistry)
  3. 🏀 How To Bounce Back (dating 101 for newly single guys)
  4. 😅 You're Nice, But... (dating 101 for "nice" guys)

Just tell me where to send them here!

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