Dating In Your 40s As A Man - A Dating Coach's Guide

Last updated
January 1, 2024
minutes to read
Dating In Your 40s As A Man - A Dating Coach's Guide

No mater how "old" you might feel in your 40s...

It's not too late to attract an awesome partner!

In fact, from a sample of >200 single women ages 21-29 who I interviewed in 2023 about being matched with men 40+ years old, over 50% were interested in a date 😏

Over 40, and ready to get your dating life on track?

Here are my 5 strategies to date successfully in your 40s as a man ↓


1. Ditch your limiting beliefs

If you've ever told yourself anything like:

  • 👎 I’ll never meet someone now that I'm 40...
  • 👎 Younger women just don't find older guys attractive...
  • 👎 All the high-quality women are already married...

These are examples of limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs are hazardous, because they tend to be self-fulfilling:

  • Believe you'll never meet anyone? → You'll stop approaching.
  • Believe younger women don't like you? → You'll act unconfident when you talk to them.
  • Believe all the high-quality women are taken? → Confirmation bias will drive you toward low-quality women.

If you want to break out of this cycle, and attract an awesome partner, you need to change your mindset, and start internalizing the truth:

  • 👍 I can meet someone, and my age isn't that important...
  • 👍 Women find me attractive, because of my experience...
  • 👍 There are a lot of awesome single women out there...

This is obviously easier said than done, but there are two strategies you should explore:

  1. Be kinder to yourself. Try taking 10 minutes each evening to celebrate wins, and all of the good things you have going for you. Having worked with 500+ guys who are 40+, I can guarantee that most negative beliefs most guys 40+ have about dating are b.s. 💩
  2. Talk to someone. Working with a dating coach like me may make sense, or perhaps finding a therapist would be a better first step. Check out this interview I did with a therapist named Jourdan Travers for guidance and inspo 🔥

2. Put yourself out there

Man in a kayak in a scenic river giving a thumbs up

Once you’ve broken down those limited beliefs, and trust that you CAN find a partner...

The next step is TAKING ACTION 💥

Here are ideas to put yourself out there:

  • 👉 Ask your friends. Especially female friends (or your guy friends' wives) if they know anyone you should meet.
  • 👉 Get back on dating apps. Keep reading to see which apps are best for dating in your 40s as a man!
  • 👉 Make the effort. Spend time in spots where you'll meet women — bars, exercise classes, and book stores are just a few examples.

3. Know the best dating apps to use in your 40s

Man in a bathrobe holding a smartphone, posing for a silly selfie photo

As much as I'm always more excited about the dating opportunities you'll find in-person, versus online...

There are dating apps designed for everyone, and every age.

Whether you’re seeking a younger partner, or someone closer to your own age, here are my top dating apps to use in your 40s, plus their average user ages:

  • - With an average age of 45, you’ll be amongst your age group peers. Match takes a bit of a bad rap for being the grandma dating site. But don’t judge it before you try it. There are some absolute catches in there!
  • OkCupid - The average is 32 on this app, and with over 2.5 million average users, you’re almost guaranteed a good match!
  • Coffee Meets Bagel - Slightly less known but definitely give it a swipe. The average age of this app is 30, so it’s worth checking out.
  • Hinge - The average age of Hinge is 27. This might be on the younger side of your dating spectrum, but you never know who you might meet. Plus, you can always set your age range to be higher than the average age. 
  • Bumble - Again verging on the younger side, the average age of Bumble is 26. All this means is that the pool of 30+ women (if that’s what you’re looking for) is slightly smaller. It’s still a great app and a great way to meet people that you actually vibe with. 

This is perhaps tangential, but worth calling out:

Lots of women in their 20s and 30s want to date guys who are 40+ years old.

Age is just a number, and women value maturity!

4. Know what you want

Man speaking to camera, with text "No more wasting my time" on the screen

If you're here, you’ve lived through 40+ years of life...

You should have a pretty good idea of qualities and values that you’re looking for in a match. 

Literally list them, so you can use them as criteria in your dating life 📝


  • Must appreciate family time...
  • Must enjoy being active 5+ days a week...
  • Must have a sense of humor...

Once you've listed the things that are of core importance to you, it'll be easier to separate the women who don’t have them, from the women who do 🔍

5. Be honest

Serena Williams at a press conference, shrugging, with the text "Just Being Honest" on the screen

My last piece of advice is to be honest.

Be honest with yourself, and with your dates, about who you are, and what you want.

Consider things like:

  • Do you REALLY want kids?
  • Would you prefer an OPEN relationship?
  • Do you see yourself TRAVELING, or do you want to settle in one spot?

Whatever the topic, open communication is key — it’s attractive, and you won't waste time dating anyone who isn't right for you 🔥

Wrap up & next steps

Hopefully you now feel more equipped to start dating in your 40s 💪

If you forget everything else...

Remember that age is just a number!

Women care a lot more about how it FEELS to be around you, than how old you are in calendar years.

On this note...

Need more help re-launching your dating life?

Here are 3 ideas for you ↓

Idea #1: Unlock my best free guides

Blaine in a green shirt on a staircase, smiling.

I'd love to share my best FREE dating guides with you:

  1. 📲 What I Swipe Right On
    Get better matches on apps like Hinge, fast.
  2. 💬 Master The Message
    What to text to create more chemistry.
  3. 🏀 How To Bounce Back
    Dating 101 for guys who are newly single.
  4. 😅 You're Nice, But...
    How to stop being too nice to women.

Just tell me where to send them!

I'll also add you to my email list.
100% privacy, no spam or b.s.

Idea #2: Follow me on Instagram

Join 400,000+ guys who tune in for dating tips on my Instagram every single day!

Idea #3: Read more articles