Dating In Your 40s As A Man (A Dating Coach's Guide)

Whether you’re fresh out of a long-term relationship, or just ready to start dating seriously, this is an exciting time in your life 🎉

Still, it's easy to feel overwhelmed, or even out of touch, in today's the dating world...

Fortunately, I can help!

Today we'll cover six simple steps on how to date in your 40s 👇

1. Leave the past in the past 

If you’re dating at 40, chances are you have a novel's worth of dating experiences in your rearview mirror.

Be those toxic exes, relationship traumas, heartbreak, or dozens of dating faux pas — even if you're Leonardo DiCaprio, dating has had its ups and downs 🎢 

My advice?

Leave the past in the past 👋

Don’t carry your emotional baggage with you into your dating journey ahead.

Your past experiences can absolutely guide you to make the right decisions, but assumptions like "all women are the same" aren't helpful.

If you want different relationships — particularly ones that work on your terms — an open mind is required 👐

‍

2. Ditch your limiting beliefs

Ever told yourself anything like:

• 👎 I’ll never meet a partner in my 40s
• 👎 I can’t get back out there after my divorce
• 👎 Women won’t find me attractive because of my age
• 👎 Dating at 40 means that all the good women are married, or not interested in me

If this sounds like you...

‍All of these sentences are limiting beliefs ❌

They're actively preventing you from progressing in your dating life because you believe that you can’t.

Want to know how to change this?

It’s simple — your brain believes what you tell it 🧠

You need to re-program yourself to believe:

• 👍 I can meet a wonderful woman in my 40s‍
• 👍 I can get back out there after my divorce, and I’m excited about it‍
• 👍 Women will find me attractive because of my age, my maturity, and my life stage‍
• 👍 Dating at 40 means that I can find a good woman who's been waiting to meet someone like me

This is obviously easier said than done, but there are two strategies you should explore:

1. Be kinder to yourself. Try taking 10 minutes each evening to celebrate wins, and all of the good things you have going for you, before you go to bed. Having worked with 500+ guys who are 40+, I can guarantee that the negative beliefs most guys 40+ have about dating are b.s. 💩
2. Talk to someone. Working with a dating coach like me may make sense, or maybe finding a therapist would be a better first step. Check out this interview I did with a therapist named Jourdan Travers for some guidance and inspo 🔥

‍

3. Put yourself out there

Once you’ve broken down those limited beliefs and know that you can do it...

The next step is doing it 💥

Here are some ideas to put yourself out there:

• 👉 Ask your friends if they know anyone that you could date
• 👉 Get back on dating apps (keep reading to see which apps are best for dating in your 40s as a man)
• 👉 Make the effort to hang out in spots where you'll meet women; bars, exercise classes, book stores, wherever you love to go!

‍

3. The best dating apps to use in your 40s

There are dating apps for everyone and every age.

Whether you’re into the younger ladies, or the more mature ones, here’s my top dating apps to use in your 40s (plus their average user ages!)

• ‍❣ Match.com - With an average age of 45, you’ll be amongst your age group peers. Match takes a bit of a bad rap for being the grandma dating site. But don’t judge it before you try it. There are some absolute catches in there!‍
• ❣ OkCupid - The average is 32 on this app, and with over 2.5 million average users, you’re almost guaranteed a good match!
• ‍❣ Coffee Meets Bagel - Slightly less known but definitely give it a swipe. The average age of this app is 30, so it’s worth checking out.
• ‍❣ Hinge - The average age of Hinge is 27. This might be on the younger side of your dating spectrum, but you never know who you might meet. Plus, you can always set your age range to be higher than the average age. 
• ‍❣ Bumble - Again verging on the younger side, the average age of Bumble is 26. All this means is that the pool of 30+ women (if that’s what you’re looking for) is slightly smaller. It’s still a great app and a great way to meet people that you actually vibe with. 

This is perhaps tangential, but worth calling out:

Lots of women in their 20s and 30s want to date guys who are 40+ years old.

Age is just a number, and women value maturity!

‍

4. Know what you want

If you're here, you’ve lived through 40+ years of life...

You should have a pretty good idea of qualities and values that you’re looking for in a match. 

Try listing them, so you can use them as granular criteria ☑️

Examples:

• ‍Must appreciate family time
• Must love getting active
• Must have a sense of humor

Once you've listed the things that are of core importance to you, it'll be easier to separate the women who don’t have them, from the women who do 🔍

‍

5. Be honest

My last piece of advice is to be honest.

With yourself and with your dates — about who you are, and what you want.

Consider things like:

• Do you really want kids?
• Would you prefer an open relationship?
• Do you see yourself traveling a lot, or do you want to settle in one spot?

Whatever the topic, open communication is key. Plus, it’s attractive 🔥

And it makes dating so much easier when you know where you stand from the beginning.

Give honesty a go — there’s a reason they say that it’s the best policy 😉

Hopefully you now feel more equipped to start dating in your 40s.

If you forget everything else...

Remember to always be yourself, and stay true to what you want in life. 

Need more help re-launching your dating life?

Here are 3 ideas for you 👇