Men, How To Ask A Girl For Her Number (From A Female Dating Coach)

Last updated
April 4, 2023
minutes to read
Men, How To Ask A Girl For Her Number (From A Female Dating Coach)

You met a cute girl, and you’re having fun chatting…

(Nicely done btw 😜)

You’d love to see her again, but suddenly, your nerves start firing, and you get in your head…

  • What’s the right way to ask for her number?
  • Will she even want to give me her number?
  • What if she’s not interested, or she has a boyfriend?

Fear not! Today, we'll cover precisely how to ask a girl for her number, so that she’s excited to share it with you, and meet up for a date 💑


1. Create A Connection

Creating a connection is essential to asking for a girl’s number. Why?

Women don’t give their numbers out to just anyone!

A woman needs to feel a connection to you before she’ll share intimate personal information like her phone number.

  1. First, she needs to feel like you have shared interests 🤝
  2. Second, she needs to feel like you’re trustworthy ✅
  3. Third, she needs to feel a romantic connection with you 💕

To make sure a girl knows you have shared interests, you need to have an engaging conversation that touches on the things you enjoy.

Ask her questions about what she likes to do, and how she spends her time.

When you notice commonalities, call them out! This can be as simple as saying something like:

"That’s awesome that you like to ski. I like to ski too. My favorite place to ski is Aspen. Have you been?"

Next, to make sure a girl feels like you’re trustworthy, you want to communicate in a way that creates trust.

Be yourself, talk at a normal conversational pace, and most importantly, actively listen to her.

One way to demonstrate you actively listen, and therefore are trustworthy, is to ask her thoughtful questions.

✅ For example, if she says she’s had a tough day, engage with her about it:

"I’m sorry to hear that! What made your day tough?"

❌ Rather than shifting the conversation back to you:

"I’ve had a tough day too. Let me tell you about it…"

Finally, to make sure a girl feels a romantic connection with you, you want to flirt a little, and ideally also introduce physical touch into your conversation.

Learning to flirt and introduce physical touch are more advanced topics that exceed the scope of this article on how to ask a girl for her number, but...

The safest and lightest-weight way to start flirting is to SMILE 😃

Smiles are contagious, and mood-elevating. They're a simple and effective way to lightly communicate your interest!

2. Qualify Your Crush

If you want to successfully get a girl’s phone number when you ask, it’s essential you qualify her first.

What does “qualify” mean?

“Qualify” means to look for signs she *wants* to give you her number.

This way, you’re less likely to face the awkwardness and disappointment of asking for her number and getting rejected 🥶

Specifically, you want to qualify that she’s:

  1. Single ✔
  2. Compatible with you ✔
  3. Interested in you ✔

Qualify That She's Single

To qualify that she’s single, you could literally ask her:

Are you single?

… But this tends to be too acute.

It’s much better to have a robust-enough conversation that she has opportunities to drop hints about her relationship status.

Women will typically tell you if they are (or aren’t) single once your conversation is flowing.

For example, if you’re discussing travel, she might mention that:

  • She went on a trip with girlfriends (a hint she might be single!)
  • She went on a trip with an ex (a strong signal she’s single!)
  • She went on a trip with her boyfriend (she's not single...)

🏡 If you’re discussing what part of town you live in, and you mention that you live alone, she might mention that:

  • She lives alone (a hint she’s single!)
  • She lives with her boyfriend (she's not single...)

This isn’t to imply that you must be certain a girl is single before you ask for her number.

It's just usually helpful to have an idea before you ask.

Qualify That You're Compatible

Compatibility is a complex topic that exceeds the scope of this article on how to ask for a girl’s number, but at least heed obvious non-starters or red flags like:

  • 🚩 She lives in another country, and you’ll likely never see each other again (it probably doesn’t make sense to ask for her number in this case)
  • 🚩 She has a lifestyle or interests that are obviously incompatible with your own, like she travels constantly for work, and you want a partner who can physically be in the same place as you (it probably doesn’t make sense to ask for her number in this case, either)

Qualify That She's Interested

This means looking for signs she’s enjoying chatting with you, and might want to see you again. Examples include:

  • She’s smiling, and laughs at your jokes 😊
  • She proactively engages with the conversation, and asks you questions about your personal life 🙋‍♀️
  • She mentions the possibility of seeing you again 📅

For a more complete list of signs, btw, check out these signs she's developing feelings for you.

Anyway, once you’ve qualified that she’s:

  1. Likely single (or at least not obviously taken)
  2. Likely compatible with you (or at least not obviously incompatible)
  3. Likely likes you (or at least doesn’t overtly dislike you)

… You’ll feel more confident when you ask for her number, which is important, for reasons I’ll explain next 👇

3. Ask Appropriately

Now that you’ve created a connection with your crush, and you’ve qualified her to the extent you’re confident (A) she’s single, (B) you’re compatible, and (C) she’s interested…

It’s time to ask for her number! 📲

Asking for a girl for her number is easier than you might think. You just need to ask appropriately.

“Appropriately” means three things:

  1. Don’t rush it. Wait until your conversation is at a natural stopping point. The #1 mistake I see guys make is asking for a girl’s number too soon, thereby creating an awkward break in the conversation 😬
  2. Be confident. Women love confidence because confidence demonstrates that you are intentional about what you want. So take a deep breath, pull your shoulders back, and ask for her number confidently! Your confidence should be obvious through your relaxed and open body language, comfortable expressions, and steady tone of voice. You can demonstrate extra confidence by physically moving closer to her when you ask, or even introducing lightweight physical touch (if you know how) ☝️
  3. Share a reason why. Did you have a good time chatting with her? Do you want to see her again? Tell her! It sounds silly, but she’s much more likely to give you her number if you share a reason why she should give it to you 💁‍♀️

Here’s a simple example of how to ask a girl for her number, that includes a simple reason for asking:

"I’ve loved chatting with you, and I’d love to see you again sometime. What’s your number?"

Here’s another example of how to ask a girl for her number, that highlights a shared interest:

"It was great to meet you, and I love that you’re a fellow matcha connoisseur. What’s your number?"

Here’s one more example of how to ask a girl for her number, that specifies a future plan related to the conversation:

"Since you like yoga, what would you think of going to a class together sometime at my favorite studio Black Swan? If you give me your number, I’ll text you to set it up."

One last thought on asking appropriately…

If you can’t envision a girl giving you her number, she probably won’t.

This is because your lack of self-confidence will permeate throughout your interaction with her, and it will turn her off 😷

If you want to get a girl’s number, you must cultivate the self-confidence to believe that you’re worthy of getting her number, and seeing her again.

Not there yet?

Focus on developing your sense of self-worth before you invest time into approaching women ❤️

Wrap up & next steps

Let’s recap. What’d we learn today?

The right way to ask a girl for her number is to:

  1. Create a connection 🤝
  2. Qualify your crush 🔎
  3. Ask appropriately 🗣️

Before you try these 3 steps out in the wild, one last piece of advice…

Expectations are the enemy of success.

Like we discussed a moment ago, if you don’t believe you can get a girl’s number, she probably won’t give it to you.

But that doesn’t mean you can *expect* every woman you talk with to share her number with you.

No matter what you may think, dating isn’t smooth or easy for anyone. It takes a lot of practice to feel confident engaging with women you’re attracted to, and consistently get girls’ numbers when you ask!

Get rid of whatever expectations you’ve placed on yourself, and instead replace them with resilience and an open mind.

Remember, a girl may not want to give you her number for any one of millions of reasons that have nothing to do with you 🤷

For example:

  • She’s not single…
  • She’s not dating…
  • She’s having a bad day…
  • She’s simply an unfriendly person…

If a girl doesn’t want to give you her number, don’t let that one negative experience color your entire outlook on dating.

Keep your expectations low, accept that you’re not compatible with everyone, remember that you’re worthy of dating someone awesome, and check out the ideas below to uplevel your dating life 💪

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