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Should You Kiss on a First Date?

first dates physicality & sex Dec 28, 2021
A couple kissing on a first date

You landed a first date with your crush, and it’s going well!

Conversation is flowing, sparks are flying…

As the evening’s end draws near, the thought of kissing her is on your mind ๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ˜˜

The timeless question... Should you kiss on a first date?

While there’s no one-size-fits-all rule, today I’ll share some pointers to help you to determine whether it’s appropriate to kiss on a first date.

Spoiler alert: I often recommend going for the kiss.

Read on to learn why, and what you need to know ๐Ÿ‘‡



Should You Kiss on a First Date Pointer #1:

Consider Your Chemistry


Your chemistry with the woman you’re out with can help you decide whether to kiss on a first date.

๐Ÿงช Chemistry can mean many things. Here’s a list of examples:

  • Was she smiling at you?

  • Did she laugh when you make jokes?

  • Did she initiate physical touch, or respond positively when you touched her?

  • Did it feel like your gestures and expressions were in sync?

  • Was she touching her hair, or fondling her purse or drink?

For more signs check out my article on signs she is developing feelings for you, especially the section on non-verbal signals.


  • ๐Ÿง‘‍๐Ÿ”ฌ If you had chemistry on your first date, you should go in for a kiss!

  • ๐Ÿค” If you’re unsure you had chemistry, attempting a kiss can help you find out!

To make sure she’s comfortable with a first date kiss, simply ask:

Can I kiss you?

Asking for a kiss won’t kill the mood, and if you’re confident, it can actually help set the mood.

If you don’t believe me, watch my video on asking for a kiss here.

Most women in western cultures are comfortable kissing on a first date, assuming they’re interested in the you romantically ๐Ÿ˜…

  • So if she says yes to a first-date kiss, you know she likes you, and there was chemistry!

  • And likewise if she says no, it’s a good indication things probably won’t work out…



Should You Kiss on a First Date Pointer #2:

Leave Her Wanting More


One argument for not kissing on a first date is that you can leave her wanting more.

For example, if you have a fun and flirtatious first date, then you may create romantic tension by forcing her to wait for a kiss. Perhaps she’ll anticipate a kiss, and maybe even fantasize about it in between dates… ๐Ÿ˜

It’s true that withholding a kiss on a first date can make the prospect of a future kiss even more exciting.

However, in my experience, the strategy of waiting to kiss only works to your advantage if you’ve created sufficient romantic chemistry that your date feels tension by not kissing.

  • This means you were flirting, touching, and teasing each other throughout the date ๐Ÿ˜

  • (No judgment implied, but being honest…) If you’re reading a blog post about whether to kiss on a first date, creating chemistry may not be your strong suit, and deliberately not kissing your date may not achieve your goal of leaving her wanting more ๐Ÿ˜…

Regardless, whether you kiss on a first date doesn’t dictate whether there will be a second date.

  • If she wants to kiss, it doesn’t matter if you kiss or not: she’ll probably want a second date ๐Ÿฅฐ

  • Likewise if she doesn’t want to kiss, it doesn’t matter if you attempt a kiss or not: she’ll probably turn you down for both the kiss and a second date ๐Ÿ˜•



Should You Kiss on a First Date Pointer #3:

Trust Your Gut


Still struggling to decide whether to go for the kiss on a first date?

Trust your gut!

Your intuition and instincts are designed to pick up on subtle romantic signals.

Rather than attempting to make a calculated decision about a kiss, lean into your intuition and instincts, and act on your feelings in the moment.

This may be as simple as taking a moment to think to yourself:

Do I want to kiss her?

No two first dates are the same, so there aren’t clear rules here. Learn to trust yourself and the moment.

As long as you’re respectful (e.g. you ask for the kiss before making your move) the worst thing that can happen is she says “no” to a kiss.


And her saying “no” isn’t even a bad thing! It means you don’t have to waste one more second of your time and energy worrying about her, and can instead focus on finding someone you do have romantic chemistry with ๐Ÿค—



Should You Kiss on a First Date Pointer #4:

Avoid Mixed Messages


One of the best reasons to go for a kiss on a first date is to avoid sending mixed messages.

Specifically, if you’ve been on a great first date, and she’s interested in you romantically, she’ll want a kiss! If you don’t kiss your date, she may incorrectly assume you don’t reciprocate her feelings…

Worse yet, if you’ve been on a fun first date, and she likes you personally but didn’t feel a strong romantic connection or chemistry, your date may permanently relegate you to the friend-zone if you don’t go in for the kiss…

Attempting a kiss on your first date is a sure-fire way to avoid mixed messages about your interest level.

โ€ผ๏ธ No matter how she feels about the kiss, by asking for it, you show your date:

  1. That you’re not looking for a platonic friendship

  2. You’re unafraid to ask for what you want

Women appreciate both things. And you should appreciate the importance if you frequently end up in the friend-zone!



Should You Kiss on a First Date Pointer #5:

Kissing Is Fun


It should almost go without saying, but I want to say it anyway, because sometimes nerves can get in the way of both intuition and good judgment…

Kissing is just plain fun!

If the opportunity presents itself for a kiss on a first date, and you think you might enjoy it, then why not go for it?

When you’ve had an enjoyable evening full of good conversation, chemistry, laughter, and thrill, then sealing your first date with a kiss is like a cherry on top of a sundae ๐Ÿจ

Have some fun, and go for the kiss. I hope you both enjoy it!



Last Thoughts On A First Date Kiss


There aren’t hard-and-fast rules about whether you should go for a kiss on a first date, so don’t overthink things. Just remember to consider:

  1. Your chemistry

  2. Whether you’d leave her wanting more (or not)

  3. Your gut feeling and desires

  4. The importance of avoiding mixed messages

  5. How fun it is to land a kiss ๐Ÿ’‹

Get out there, have fun, and let me know how it goes.

Need more pointers for first dates?

If you need recommendations on what to wear, check out my post on how to choose an outfit for a first date here.

And if you're unsure when to follow up with her after your date, check out my post on when to text her after your first date here.



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