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How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone (3 Tips For Smart Guys)

dating psychology Apr 22, 2022
Man making a kissing face at a woman who is looking away, with arms crossed, in disinterest

Stuck in the friend zone, and want to get out?

I'm Blaine, I'm a dating coach for men, I've helped literally thousands of men escape the friend zone, and I'm excited to help you too.

Today we'll cover:

  1. Why you're stuck in the friend zone, so you can diagnose what's not working with your approach ๐Ÿ•ต๏ธ‍โ™‚๏ธ
  2. What to do once a woman has put you in the friend zone, so you can get out ๐Ÿš€
  3. How to avoid the friend zone going forward, so you can attract women you're excited about โค๏ธ

Let's get moving!




Why You’re In The Friend Zone

Man and woman sitting at counter, man is talking, woman looks disinterested

๐Ÿ‘ฉ‍โš•๏ธ A doctor wouldn’t prescribe you medication without first diagnosing your condition...

Similarly, before I can get you out of the friend zone, we need to talk about why you’re in the friend zone!

Nominally there are hundreds of reasons a woman may place a man in the friend zone, for example:

  • "I just value our friendship so much..."
  • "You're such a good guy, but I don't think we're compatible..."
  • "I just don't think about you like that..."

But these "reasons" tend to all trace back to three true, underlying causes:

  1. She doesn't think you're a catch ๐ŸŽฃ Let's be honest: dating is aspirational. If she doesn't think of you as a "catch," meaning someone she'd be excited to introduce to family and friends as her partner, she's putting you in the friend zone.
  2. You lack romantic chemistry ๐Ÿฅฑ Even if she thinks of you as a catch, if you never have flirty and playful interactions that make her wonder what it'd be like to be "more than friends" (or "more than colleagues") she has also probably put you in the friend zone.
  3. You made her "ick" ๐Ÿคข Ever crushed on on a girl, then suddenly lost interest because you noticed something really unattractive about her (e.g. nasty breath)? Women can have "ick" moments like this, too, that can cause them to lose interest (realized or unrealized) in men.

(Btw here's an article on "the ick" if you haven't heard about it before!)




What To Do Once You’re In The Friend Zone

Man and woman seated at a table, man is looking away pensively

You may be wondering:

"Blaine, it's nice to know WHY I'm in the friend zone, but I want to GET OUT of the friend zone... Can we talk about that now?"

We can absolutely talk about it!

But first, I want you to promise not to shoot the messenger ๐Ÿ‘ผ


Once a woman has put you in the friend zone, it's hard to get out.

Tough dating truth: women and men both subconsciously place people they meet into boxes, like "has romantic potential box" or "nope, friend box" ๐Ÿ—ƒ๏ธ

This categorization isn't irreversible...

But it can take years of effort to escape the friend zone ๐Ÿค•

(I don't make the rules — this is just a painful reality of dating!)

To get out of the friend zone once a woman has put you in it, you need to do three things:

  1. Let it go. You don't need to cut off contact with her if you're actually friends, but... you definitely need to stop trying to impress her / attract her / make a move. This is because when you're in the friend zone, obvious attempts to initiate romance just strengthen her resolve to keep you in the friend zone ๐Ÿ˜ฌ
  2. Improve yourself. This means focusing on yourself, and addressing the "causes" we discussed above: you need to become more of a catch, you need to learn to create romantic chemistry, and you need to eliminate obvious icks like poor hygiene. I'll share specific tips on this in the next section ๐Ÿ“ˆ
  3. Be patient. No matter how strong your feelings are about a particular woman, she has to make her own decision to remove you from the friend zone. And this can take time, even if you're doing everything right โณ

If and when the opportunity eventually presents itself (maybe you're hanging out as friends, and she pays you an unsolicited comment about how far you've come...)

Then you can discuss giving romance another shot  ๐Ÿ’‘ 

In the meantime, I recommend learning how to meet women, so you can focus your efforts elsewhere!




How To Avoid The Friend Zone Going Forward

Girl smiling and waving at man who is working at a computer

OK, ready for the good stuff?

Here are two simple ways to stay out of the friend zone when you meet new women going forward ๐Ÿ‘‡



1๏ธโƒฃ First, I want you to be more selfish.

I know asking you to be more selfish sounds crazy...

But this doesn’t mean I want you to be a jerk!

I just want you to take a little time every day to do something for yourself ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Ideally you use this time to improve yourself (e.g. work on a side hustle, or work out).

But your selfish activity doesn’t have to be goal-oriented.

You could literally eat an ice cream sandwich while watching Netflix on your couch, if it's deliberate, and if it gives you guilt-free joy you're missing today ๐Ÿฆ


Woman trying to kiss man who looks disinterested

Women are attracted to guys who prioritize themselves.

And they aren't attracted to guys who are always trying to make other people happy, at the expense of their own happiness...

So prioritizing yourself like this can help you get out of the friend zone, and avoid it going forward.



2๏ธโƒฃ Second, I want you to practice showing women you're interested in them romantically.

Particularly up front, while she's subconsciously determining whether to put you in the "has romantic potential box" or the "nope, friend box" ๐Ÿ—ƒ๏ธ

There are many different ways to show you're interested, for example:

๐Ÿ‘‰ Try touching her. Touch is powerful because it signals you have confidence, and it can physically cause her body to release chemicals that scientists believe make her feel attracted to you.

(I'm not making this up — learn more about the special "touch" chemical oxytocin here if you're interested — I'll try to avoid making a 'chemistry' pun ๐Ÿงช๐Ÿ˜‰)

The safest places to try touching her are her hand, shoulder, or elbow because they are relatively non-invasive.

Just pay attention for cues she does, or doesn't, appreciate being touched (for example, her facial expressions — does she look pleased or displeased you touched her?) and follow suit.

๐Ÿ—ฃ๏ธ Tell her you're interested. You can literally say "I like you..." or try any of these options to ask her out:

  • "I think you're cute, and I'd love to see you again..."
  • "You have great energy, and I'd have fun grabbing a coffee sometime..."
  • "You have a beautiful smile, and I'd love to take you to drinks sometime..."

There are key advantages to telling a girl you like her when you first meet her.

  • You avoid beating around the bush, and all of the pressure that can come with hiding your feelings ๐Ÿค—
  • She knows your intentions, and learns that you're not afraid to ask for what you want, and can react accordingly ๐Ÿฅฐ

Being direct with women about your feelings can help you avoid the friend zone because just the act of asking for what you want demonstrates confidence, and is therefore a turn-on ๐Ÿฅฐ

(Also, you can find more tips on how to tell a girl you like her here!)




Recap & Next Steps

OK, what'd we learn today?

  1. Women put you in the friend zone for three reasons. They don't think you're a catch, they don't feel romantic chemistry, or they experienced an "ick" ๐Ÿคข
  2. It's hard to get out of the friend zone. If you want to escape the friend zone, you have to stop trying with her, invest in yourself, and be patient โณ
  3. It's much easier to avoid the friend zone before you go in. Effective ways to avoid the friend zone are to be more selfish (in a good way!) and try expressing romantic interest in women before they put you in the friend zone box ๐Ÿ—ƒ๏ธ

I hope this was helpful! Let me know how it goes.

- Blaine



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PS. Ready to uplevel your dating life fast?

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