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How to approach a girl at the gym, according to a woman

Jul 23, 2022
Blaine on her side on a gym floor, flexing her bicep, with text overlay saying

This may surprise you, but the gym is actually a great place to meet women.

I know from personal experience — I met my husband at the gym!

Don't drop your dumbbells, and start spitting game at every spandex-wearing woman who enters your local Equinox quite yet, though!

Follow these 3 steps to meet a girl at the gym:

  1. Don't interrupt her workout
  2. Create friendly rapport before asking her out
  3. Follow the one-strike rule

Let's dive into each below.



1. Don't interrupt her workout

Blaine in black track suit holding her right leg in a stretch

The same way you'd feel annoyed if a stranger interrupted you while you were repping squats, or in between sets of reverse flys...

(Or at the least, you'd wonder, “why is this weirdo bothering me?”)

Girls at the gym don't want to be approached during their workouts!

As a general rule of thumb, it's generally wise to avoid approaching women on the gym floor entirely —

  • Even if your crush isn’t actively exercising, she may be in the zone, and unreceptive to interruptions.
  • Many women, myself included, don't feel attractive while they're working out.
  • Women often have headphones in, anyway, and headphones in = do not disturb whether you're at the gym or anywhere else.

This isn't to say it's never OK to approach a girl on the gym floor.

For example, if she's working out right next to you, and you've already smiled at each other, start a conversation by all means.

Still, it's usually better to approach after your workouts, for example:

  1. At the smoothie bar. Try paying her a genuine compliment like, "Did I see you crushing it over at the squat rack today?" and maybe you even continue the conversation over your drinks.
  2. Exiting the gym. For example, maybe as you're walking to your cars, you say something like, "Hey, I'm Blaine. I just wanted to say hello because I see you here often. What's your name?"

To increase the likelihood she wants to talk with you...

Create a non-verbal connection while you're on the gym floor, by smiling and making eye contact, first!

Her response (i.e. does she smile back?) tells you everything you need to know about whether she’s receptive to chatting, plus it gives you an excuse to approach later — you can literally say, "Hey, we made eye contact earlier, and I wanted to introduce myself..."

Just remember not to stare.

If she notices you're continuously looking over at her during your workout, she'll probably feel uncomfortable.



2. Create friendly rapport before asking her out

Blaine in red workout outfit drinking a smoothie at Barry's Bootcamp

You've finally worked up the courage to approach your gym crush, and you happen to be walking out of the lobby at the same time...

Don't ask for her number quite yet!

The gym is a special place for women.

Particularly if she spends enough time at your gym (or your yoga studio, or whatever other fitness environment you inhabit together...) that you've developed a crush, it's a safe and important space for her.

The last thing she wants is to feel uncomfortable about visiting because she gets unwanted attention in the parking lot...

Instead of asking for her number, simply introduce yourself.

Have a friendly conversation, enthusiastically say, "I'll look forward to bumping into you again sometime!" and part ways.

You increase your likelihood of successfully sparking romance 100x by waiting to ask for her number until your second or third conversation because it shows you're socially intelligent:

  • You're aware the gym isn't a place girls expect (or want) to be hit on
  • You're not so desperate that you ask girls out before you've learned whether you have a connection

Once you've chatted in a friendly way once or twice, you ask her out by saying something like:

"You have great energy, and I love chatting with you — what would you think about grabbing a drink outside of the gym sometime?"

Still not sure how to just break the ice?

You don't need to say anything fancy. Here are two more strategies you can try:

  1. If you made eye contact on the floor... Mention it! Just say something like “Hey, I think we made eye contact on the floor earlier, and I just wanted to say hello…” 
  2. If you attended a class together... Ask her what she thought of the workout. Say something like “What'd you think of that class? Those deadlifts kicked my ass...”

On this note...

Group fitness classes tend to be easier places to meet women than regular gyms, because usually there's some socializing baked in (e.g. meeting your neighbor before class).

I met my husband at Barry's Bootcamp for example!



3. Follow the one-strike rule

Blaine in a black workout outfit, drinking a smoothie, and posing in front of the Barry's Bootcamp studio in downtown Austin Texas

In case you haven't heard of the one-strike rule before...

It's a policy that HR teams at companies like Facebook and Google use for workplace romances, and it's relevant for approaching a girl at the gym, so listen up!

You get ONE chance to ask your crush out.

If she doesn’t clearly reciprocate your interest, it's game over, and you should move on. You don't get two more "strikes" to approach the same girl again!

Also, keep in mind that the standard is clearly reciprocate, not seem possibly receptive — if you ask your gym crush out, and she says something like:

"Ah, I'd love to, but I'm really busy right now..."

She actually means “no,” and you should let it go.

Just as important, if she’s not enthusiastically engaging in conversation with you before you'd ask her out, don't ask her out!

Whether you’re approaching a woman at the gym, a bar, or a party, look for signs she's interested (for example, these six signs she is flirting with you) 🥰

Worried the gym isn't your place?

Check out my guide how to meet women for nine more places you can meet women!



How To Approach A Girl At The Gym - Next Steps

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If you're tired of feeling confused around women you like, and ready to start feeling confident fast, I'd love to share my best free guides so you can make progress immediately:

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Xo Blaine

Let's get your dating life on track!

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