How To Not Be a Simp, From A Dating Coach

Last updated
August 10, 2023
minutes to read
How To Not Be a Simp, From A Dating Coach

Ever met a woman, and immediately wanted to drop everything to spend more time with her?

Or, after just one date, have you ever offered to:

  • 🐱 Pet-sit a woman’s cat / dog...
  • ⛱️ Take her on vacation...
  • 🎁 Buy her a fancy gift...

These are classic “simp” behaviors!

Simp (short for “simpleton”) refers to men who emotionally over-invest in women in hopes of winning affection.

The Wikipedia entry for "simp" covers what the term means in detail if you're curious.

Instead of discussing what it means to be a simp today…

Let’s talk about how to NOT be a simp.

Why should you learn how to not be a simp?

  • 👎 Simps tend to experience consistent disappointment and rejection with women…
  • 👍 Dating is more fun once you learn to NOT simp, because you’ll attract better partners…

Today we’ll cover 3 strategies for how to not be a simp — let's dive in 🪂


1. Set Boundaries

Gif of Butters from South Park jumping over a ledge

Boundaries are limits you set that govern your interactions with other people.

Here are examples of boundaries:

  • 🚗 Not getting in cars with strangers
  • 💍 Waiting until marriage to have sex
  • 💻 Only answering work emails between 9am and 5pm

Why do boundaries matter for dating?

... because they help you both:

  1. Communicate to women what is (and isn’t) OK
  2. Decide whether a woman is (or isn’t) a fit

Want to learn how to not be a simp?

You must set boundaries with women.


  • Quality women are turned off by men who lack boundaries, because they’re too needy 🤮
  • You’ll find yourself frustrated if you don’t set boundaries too 😒

Here are a few boundaries you can set to stop being a simp:

  • 🚫 Stop ditching your family or friends to spend time with women you’ve just started dating. A simp stereotype is investing all your time in one woman, thereby alienating their family and friends, only for the relationship to not work out…
  • 🚫 Stop feeling afraid to disagree if a woman expresses an opinion you oppose, or otherwise says something you don’t like. If her interest wanes after you’ve disagreed with her, she’s not the right woman for you! The right woman will respect your opinions as an individual.
  • Start expecting and respecting her boundaries because she will have boundaries too. Simps often overlook women’s boundaries, and therefore ignore signs women aren’t romantically interested in them, because they’re too caught up in their own romantic hopes and imaginations…

One last word for the wise on boundaries:

Your life should include her, not be her.

Boundaries will help you strike the right balance here!

2. Prioritize Yourself

Gif of the rapper Amine hugging himself

Simps subconsciously believe things like:

"The more I do for a woman, the more she will be attracted to me…"

That couldn’t be farther than the truth!

Another critical step toward learning how to not be a simp is prioritizing yourself.

💭 To illustrate this, imagine this common simp scenario…

  • 🐦 You're an early-bird who is typically in bed by 9pm…
  • 👋 You meet an exciting woman you are interested in…
  • 🌚 After a few late weekend dates, the connection grows, and you begin spending weeknights together…
  • 🚩 After a few late weeknights together, you become sleep deprived, and grumpy because you missed your morning workout...

This is a classic dilemma that can lead to both unhappiness with yourself, and relationship drama.

To avoid simp setbacks you must re-prioritize yourself.

You’ll have to learn to put your personal goal above your desire to not rock the boat in your relationship.

To stick with the bedtime example, setting boundaries may help:

  • ⌛ Maybe you set a boundary that weeknight dates end at 8pm
  • 😴 Maybe you set a boundary that you don’t date on weeknights altogether

Following through will require willpower, confidence, commitment, and just pure self-prioritization…

But guess what?

Women find boundaries sexy!

As you develop willpower, confidence, and commitment to yourself, you can expect to attract higher-quality partners.

Furthermore, women who you are actually compatible with long-term will appreciate that you prioritize your own wellbeing ❤️

3. Don't Settle

Gif of Doctor Evil with the text "How Bout No"

Simps tend to assume that attracting quality women is a struggle.

As a result, simps tend to throw themselves at the first attractive woman who will entertain the idea of dating them, even when:

  • 😒 This woman doesn’t fully appreciate him
  • 🥲 A relationship with her is premature, or doesn’t make sense period

A key to learning how to not be a simp is to stop settling.

Not settling can look like a couple different things:

  • ⛔ Passing on women who are physically attractive, and appear to be interested in you romantically, but you don’t actually feel a meaningful connection with
  • ✌ Exiting a relationship you feel complacent in (or you feel like you “should” maintain because the woman is attractive) when you know deep down the fit isn’t right

Learning to understand and accept your own psychology can help.

Once you realize that your modus operandi is to dive headlong into relationships with women you’re not ultimately compatible with, you can:

  • 🧶 Start unraveling the deeper reasons you behave this way
  • 🔦 Begin spotting early signs you’re perpetuating the behavior
  • ⚠️ Stop before you lead yourself into a relationship that ultimately doesn’t benefit you

In other words, learning to not settle can require acknowledging that you may do it (and “simp”) today.

This isn’t always easy, but it can save you lots of trouble and heartache down the road!

Wrap up & next steps

To stop being a simp, you just need to do 3 things:

  1. Set boundaries 🚧
  2. Prioritize yourself 🥇
  3. Don’t settle 🙅‍♂️

Ah! One more secret on how to not be a simp…

You can’t just implement one of these strategies, and forgo the others, if you want results. They build on each other:

  • Boundaries help you prioritize yourself…
  • Prioritizing yourself makes it easier to not settle…
  • Not settling will give you more confidence setting and communicating your boundaries…
  • The cycle perpetuates! 🎡👍

Try them together, and watch how quickly you learn how to not be a simp.

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