When To Text Her After Your First DateApr 12, 2022
"Blaine, how soon after our date should I text her?!"
I get asked this question all the time!
- You don’t want to sound too thirsty after a good first date, so you don’t want to text immediately…
- But at the same time, deliberately making her wait could send the wrong message too…
⏲️ So, when should you text her after a first date?
Unfortunately, there’s bad advice on when to text after a first date floating around online (e.g. I’ve heard other coaches recommend waiting at least a day)…
I won’t make you read an entire blog post for the answer!
- There’s no one exact best time to text her 😜
- But you should always text within 24 hours of your first date ☑️
Stepping back for a moment, though…
Know what matters more than when you text after a first date?
What you text!
And both when and what you text depend on a few factors we can explore together 👇
WHEN TO TEXT HER AFTER YOUR FIRST DATE PART 1:
How did your first date go?
All else equal, the better your first date went, the sooner you should text.
Unsure how your date went?
💭 Think back to specific moments on the date:
- Did dialogue flow naturally?
- Were there plenty of laughs?
- Did you feel sparks of physical chemistry?
- Was there a specific topic you connected over, or bond you shared?
- Was she engaged engaged and excited to be with you?
If yes to the above, she is probably feeling as excited about your date as you are!
Text her sooner than later to communicate that you enjoyed meeting her.
This way, she won't wonder if you weren't interested, and write you off.
The next morning is a great time to text her 🌞
If you’re concerned you’ll sound too eager if you text her the next morning… don’t be!
If there was genuinely a connection, she’ll be excited to hear from you.
Interestingly, if you wait >24 hours to text her, she may interpret the delay as a red flag 🚩
Women want to feel wanted!
Anyway, if your first date didn’t go well, or you’re not sure how it went, you can wait a little longer to text her.
Sending her a message late the next afternoon might be more appropriate given your tepid enthusiasm level.
But waiting >24 hours still communicates “I don’t care about you,” which is rarely if ever the message you want to send to a woman, whether or not you're interested in seeing her again.
WHEN TO TEXT HER AFTER YOUR FIRST DATE PART 2:
How did you leave things?
Depending on what you communicated in-person at the end of your first date, the “next morning rule” may not apply even if the date went great.
For example, maybe:
- She is leaving for a week-long roadtrip early the next morning…
- As you were parting ways on the date, you expressed you had a great time, want to see her again when she’s back, and will text her in a week…
In this case, texting her the next morning might actually feel clingy.
Basically, use your judgment, and don’t overthink things.
If you discussed when you’d follow up at the end of your first date, that supersedes any “when to text her” rules outlined here.
WHEN TO TEXT HER AFTER YOUR FIRST DATE PART 3:
What do you want to say?
Think about it for a second…
Unless you wait so long that she assumes you’re no longer interested, when you text a woman after a first date is unlikely to change her opinion of you:
- If she’s into you, she’ll be excited to hear from you whether it’s at 11:00pm the night of your date, or 2:00pm the next day.
- Likewise, if she’s not into you, she won’t suddenly start feeling attracted to you because you waited to check in.
⚠️ What you text can matter a lot though.
- If she's on the fence about you, a good text can keep you in the game.
- Even if she had fun on the date, if you come across as clingy or weird when you text her, she may lose interest.
🤔 Wondering what should you text her?
Unless you’re certain the date went really well, and you’re certain she’s into you, you priority probably isn’t setting up another date!
Your communication priorities are probably more like:
- Sharing how you felt
- Ascertaining how she feels
Ideally you can just continue a conversation you had on the date when you text her.
(Your text can reveal how you felt, and prompt her to share the same.)
For example, if you went to a Mexican restaurant, and she mentioned she has a dentist appointment the next morning, maybe your text is something like:
I had fun last night but I am feeling those margaritas this morning. Worth it!!!
You make it to the dentist OK?
But even if you don’t have a specific topic to follow up about, you can just be direct:
Hey, I had fun meeting you last night!
I’d enjoy seeing you again, so lmk if you feel the same, and I’ll checkin with you later this week to set something up :)
Basically, there’s no urgency to set up another date, and the next-day text is more of a friendly temperature check than a scheduling exercise.
WHEN TO TEXT HER AFTER YOUR FIRST DATE
Last Thoughts & Next Steps
Fellas, to recap, today we learned that:
- The best time to text after a date is the next morning or afternoon but there’s no one precise perfect time to text a woman after a first date ⏲️
- Never wait >24 hours after a first date to text her because it communicates you don't care about her 👎
- What you text matters more than when you text, and your goals after a first date are communicating your interest and gauging hers. You don't need to immediately ask her out again, you just want to "take the temperature" 🌡️
Two last thoughts on when and what to text her after a first date:
- It's rarely wise to text her the same night (right after your date) because waiting until the morning can increase her excitement to hear from you, and texting her at an unusually late hour (e.g. after midnight) can send the wrong message 🌚
- Don’t feel pressured to keep conversation alive with her via text. It’s much better to not text much in between dates than to force dry conversation on a woman 😑
- Struggling to decide what to wear on your first date? Check out my post here on how to choose an outfit 👖
- Wondering whether a kiss is appropriate on your first date? Check out my post on if you should kiss her here 😙
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