How To Master The Message
📲 You’ve met a woman you’re excited about, and you got her number...
Bravo!
But now you have to text her, and excitement becomes anxiety:
- 🤔 First you think about what to text…
- 😗 You type it out…
- 🤐 Then you furiously erase it, and retype something else…
- 😒 That's not quite right either, so you try again…
- 😓 After 2-3 more rewrites, you nervously launch your message & hope for the best…
💬 Texting women can be stressful.
☝️ But it doesn't have to be!
Usually if you’re sweating a text, it’s because you’re overthinking things.
Ready to take a load off?
Here’s how to handle 4 common and needlessly stressful SMS scenarios 👇
Q1: Am I responding too fast?
This is one of the top five questions I get asked as a dating coach.
"How long should I wait before replying to her texts?"
The short answer is, don’t worry about timing your texts!
Seriously. That’s focusing attention on the wrong thing.
Women only notice you’re replying too fast if the conversation is BORING 😅
If texting you feels tedious, her thoughts are liable to drift toward:
"Why doesn't this guy have anything better to do than reply immediately?"
If you're having a great conversation, however...
I promise she's not paying attention to whether you replied 5 minutes or 5 hours after she texted you!
If anything, she'd probably prefer you respond faster than slower, so your banter maintains momentum 😃
Worried she gets the wrong impression from your responsiveness?
- ❌ Don't focus on waiting 5/10/15 minutes to reply, or otherwise gaming your SMS timing strategy...
- ✅ Focus on having awesome text conversations with the women in your life, so they're genuinely excited to receive a message from you with you, and be busy enough with your personal life that you're not looking at your phone every 5/10/15 minutes in the first place!
🤔 Unsure how to have awesome text convos?
A shortcut to success comes from legendary beauty, actress, and seductress Marilyn Monroe, who once said:
"If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything."
This isn't to say you need to be a comedian to attract women.
(Though if you're genuinely funny, you'll have trouble keeping women off you!)
But the next time you’re swapping messages with a woman you're excited about, and you're not sure you're sending the right message...
Put yourself in her shoes for a moment before hitting the send button on a SMS 🤔
Will what you've written make her smile?
If you're not sure, consider sharing:
- A light compliment (e.g. "You're brilliant! Great idea...")
- Something positive about your day, or how you feel (e.g. "I just had the best afternoon at work, and I can't wait to see you for drinks later...")
- A plan you're excited about (e.g. "I just heard about this new taco spot that sounds amazing...")
Or, stepping back, simply don't text.
I can't tell you how often I see guys dig their own graves by trying to do too much via text 🤭
It's genuinely 100% OK to use texting primarily for the logistics of planning dates!
Q2: Our date is this weekend. Should I text in the meantime?
The answer to this question follows the same logic as the the answer above.
🙃 Have something fun to banter about?
📲 Absolutely send her a text!
A tough reality of dating in the digital age is that until you’ve been out together...
She may think of you as just one of a half-dozen guys she gave her number to this week 😬
At this stage of the game, it can be helpful to continue building a connection, so that you stand out.
The best texts to keep momentum going will be cute and contextual.
For example, if you met at the dog park, maybe you text:
"How's your 🐶 doing btw? I just jogged past the dog park and thought of him"
Texting pre-date tends to be MUCH easier if you met in-person vs online, because you have more context to draw on for your conversation.
So especially if this woman is a Hinge or Bumble match...
🤔 Conversation ideas not flowing naturally?
❌ Skip the text!
Women don't really want to answer generic questions from yet ANOTHER stranger like “what’s up?” or “how’s your day going?”
You'll actually put yourself at a disadvantage if you force dry conversation before your date.
Again, it's 100% OK to use texting solely for logistics.
This is true at least until you know her well enough to have more-casual conversation!
Don't be afraid to let the texts rest until the day of your date, when you should text to reconfirm your plans 👍
Q3: She stoped replying. What should I do?
Before you worry, take a deep breath, and diagnose the situation:
- Did she miss just one text and prior to that, you had a consistent and balanced back-and-forth going?
- Or, has this happened before (e.g. maybe you've now texted ≥2 times to crickets)?
☝️ If she’s just missed one text, it's possible she had a busy week.
Wait a day or two, then send her a simple and light-hearted feeler to try to reignite the conversation.
📲 Something short & sweet like:
Gentle nudge :)
... should do the trick.
Let's not sugarcoat things though.
If she waited >48 hours to reply to your text, you're clearly not a priority for her ❤️
(If she's into you, she's usually eagerly awaiting your texts, the same way you're awaiting hers!)
But there's a chance she's genuinely busy, and has different standards for response speed than you do!
If this is the case, patience is a virtue, and rushing her will work against you.
👻 If you’ve texted twice without a response, she’s ghosted you.
This sucks, and I'm sorry...
But it's OK, because the romantic connection ultimately wasn't meant to be.
(Do you really want to be with a woman who thinks it's OK to ignore you?! 🤨)
⚠️ Ghosting is repugnant, but if it happens, resist the urge to scold her.
Calling out her poor manners may feel satisfying in the moment, but it's counter-productive.
If anything, texting her something like "Ghosting is so rude..." will galvanize her disinterest into disgust.
(And you'll deserve any awkward in-person encounters karma chooses to reward you with in the future 😅)
As the saying goes, you never look good trying to make someone else look bad.
Onward!
⚠️ Likewise, resist the urge to shoot another shot.
Usually if a woman ghosts you, it’s not because she decided on a whim she wasn't interested...
It's because she concluded you couldn’t take subtler hints there wasn’t a connection.
So pressing on as if she didn’t ghost you only enhances her conviction that you’re not a fit.
It's OK to send a gracious goodbye text like:
Hey! I'm sorry we didn't connect. I enjoyed meeting you, and you know where to find me if things change down the road :)
… before cutting the cord. You won't regret taking the high road like this!
But actually do cut the cord ✂️
If she thinks it's OK to ghost you, she doesn't deserve more of your attention.
Every additional minute you invest in her is a minute you could better spend investing in a woman who reciprocates your interest!
Q4: Can I use emojis?
It always amuses me how many guys are uncomfortable with emojis!
It’s A-OK to use emojis.
They don't make you seem childish or feminine 🙃
Think about how much meaning is conveyed in a real-life smile, wink, or frown...
We lose all this communicative texture and depth via SMS.
Emojis can help recapture that missing texture!
Plus, according to a 2019 University of Zurich study, emoji usage was positively correlated with both landing dates, and having sex 🤭
Basically, absolutely sprinkle an emoji or two into your text conversations.
☝️ Just one rule. Use emojis deliberately!
Emojis are like swear words. They mean MORE the LESS you use them.
So use emojis when they help you communicate more effectively than words alone.
Here’s a simple test you can use to guide your decision-making:
- If your emoji helps you drive home a point like a 😉 to emphasize sarcasm, you’re using it perfectly!
- If your emoji doesn’t help you drive home a point save it for a situation when it can.
Recap & Next Steps
OK, today we learned that:
- 🔥 Response quality > response speed. If your message is one she wants to read, you never have to worry about texting her back too soon.
- 💬 No need to carry the conversation between dates. It's OK to leverage SMS just for logistics (i.e. planning your next outing) — forcing dry conversation can actually work against you.
- 👻 Ghosting happens to the best of us. Gracefully let girls who ghost go, and focus your attention on women who value it.
- ☑️ Emojis are A-OK. You can absolutely use emojis without seeming childish, as long as you use them with purpose.
Want to never send the wrong message again?
Candidly, this was just the tip of the iceberg.
All of my best tips are in my Texting OS course 🤫
It covers every single text you need to send to go from match to relationship, with zero stress or anxiety, so you never say the wrong thing again!
Here's the first lesson, on the house:
To unlock the full course for $149, sign up HERE 🎉
Or, if you could use help with more than just texting, complete coaching application below, and I'll share a personalized plan within 24 hours!