If you’re single, I have good and bad news for you.
The good news?
😊 COVID accelerated the adoption of dating apps, and the vast majority of single women are at least trying dating apps to find partners today.
The bad news?
😕 More guys are using dating apps than ever before, too, and they're swiping right on these women at Falcon 9 blast-off speed 🚀
Like any professional dating coach, I have a Tinder account (just for research purposes — I’m not single 😃) and this is what it looks like after 3 days:
Basically, attractive women have THOUSANDS of options to choose from on apps like Tinder and Hinge.
Far too many to closely vet.
If you’re holding your breath for matches in this environment, call 911 before you pass out.
What does this mean for you?
Your #1 job on dating apps is to stand out from the crowd.
To accomplish this, you have exactly 3 surfaces to work with:
Written Bio 📝
Proof Points ☑️
We’ll look at each of these individually, so you can upgrade your profile today, and start meeting women you’re excited about.
Part 1/3: Fixing Your Photos
Your photos are the first (and often the only) thing a woman considers when deciding whether to swipe left or right on your profile.
To make this point crystal clear, if you're trying to land dates on apps like Hinge, Bumble, or Tinder, your photos matter 10x more than:
Your personality 🎭
Your values ⚖️
Your education & career 💼
Your in-person appearance 💪
It's not that women are insanely superficial, and only want to date guys with great photos.
It's just that women will never get the opportunity to learn more about you if your photos don't immediately draw them in.
ASAP, you need to ditch:
Selfies. 99% of the time they’re boring and low-quality, and can even signal you don’t have friends to take photos of you 🤳
Group photos. Unless it’s *obvious* who you are, and you look *better* than everyone else in the photo, avoid 🙅
Grainy / low-quality pictures. These obscure your appearance, and they make you look low-class. Quick rule of thumb: if your photo was taken >5 years ago (or even just on a phone >5 years old), it's probably hurting more than it’s helping 😬
Replace these pictures with high-quality portraits 🤵♂️
You don't need to be dressed up...
They shouldn't look like school photos anyway!
But your face should be clearly visible, because it's what she wants to see.
Some of my clients beg to keep 1 or 2 of their old, low-quality photos on their profile because:
They think they look good…
The photo has sentimental value…
They don’t have alternative photos they like better…
⛔🪤 Don’t fall for this trap.
Men tend to be poor judges of what they look like in photos.
You're usually best off optimizing for the highest-quality photos in a technical sense.
Genuinely worried whether you look OK in a photo?
Use a service like Photofeeler.com for objective feedback before deciding what pictures go on your profile 🧠
Anyway, if you remember nothing else from this guide…
If you're dating online, high-quality photos are the #1 input in your success.
They’ll give women the clearest picture of what you look like (otherwise they think “I can’t tell what he looks like so I'm swiping left...”)
They make you look attractive and intriguing (it's good if she thinks: “ooooh he must have cool artsy photographer friends!!!”)
This guy shooting with a pro photographer has the right idea 👇
Don’t want to hire a pro, and don’t have anything good on your cameral roll already?
Here are 2 low-effort ways to get good photos fast:
Leverage forgotten inventories. Think back to that wedding you attended last year, or that goodbye party for your colleague who moved. Text whoever had the camera out (or in the wedding case, the bride… no one will be more eager to assist and discuss their wedding photos) to uncover hidden gems 💎
Create new content. Call your outdoorsy friend you haven’t seen in 3 months to plan a hike this weekend. Bring your iPhone, and have him snap a portrait mode shot of you at the summit. Do the same with another friend downtown by the new art installation 📸
Getting better photos isn’t hard, but you have to take initiative.
Part 2/3: Brushing Up Your Bio
If she likes your photos, she’ll read your written bio next.
(Note I use the term "bio" interchangeably for "prompts" or however else apps like Tinder and Hinge ask you to format your "about me" writing exercise these days 📝)
Your bio SUPPLEMENTS your photos in explaining who you are:
What’s your story?
What will she like about you?
What can’t she tell about you from your pictures?
Your goal is to give women an honest (and optimistic!) portrayal of what makes you you.
🥺 Worried you’ll sound like a dork if you’re honest about your interests?
Get over yourself!!
Women like dorks because they’re dorks too. Supermodel Karlie Kloss has her own coding bootcamp for example 👩💻
If your hobbies turn her off, she’s not right for you. Don’t hide who you are. Air it out, so you attract women who share your interests. Your time is too valuable to waste on women you’re not compatible with 🙅♀️
Here's how to write a solid bio in 3 steps:
Be specific. For example, don’t tell her you like to travel. So does every other guy with 0 matches. Tell her exactly where you went last summer, and share details about exactly where you want to go next summer 🌞
Show, don’t tell. For example, sharing your best joke is 100x more effective at generating matches than writing "I'm witty." Love coffee? Illustrate your morning brewing ritual, don’t tell her you love coffee. You have to paint the picture, because it's what she will see 🎨
Keep it loose. Marilyn Monroe is supposed to have said “If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.” This is some of the most underrated dating advice ever! You don’t need to be a comedian to attract women, but she's 1000x more likely to swipe right on your profile if it makes her giggle 😁
Remember, your profile should be unique to you, because it needs to stand vs the 100 other guys who swiped right on her...
This means that if your written bio could apply to any other guy on the app, it’s hurting you more than it's helping you 🦄
Rewrite your bio immediately!
Also, please ditch the serious description of what you want in your soulmate. Replace it with a personal story that will make the right woman smile 😃
Part 3/3: Proof Points
Unsure what "proof points" are?
🙄 Remember those Nigerian princes who've emailed you asking to wire money into your bank account?
Intentional misrepresentation like this is called catfishing.
Women live in constant fear of catfishing on dating apps.
This is because it’s hard for them to tell who is:
Trustworthy, eligible, and an actual human ☑️
Creepy, already in a relationship, and maybe even a scammer ❌
Proof points are like an antidote to catfishing.
They're the little details on your profile that show women you're legit.
Proof points establish you as a trustworthy human amidst a sea of questionable strangers online.
Here's an example of a proof point 👇
Spot that little blue checkbox by my name?
☑️ That’s a proof point!
Here are more examples of proof points you should add to your profile:
Your job, education, and age. It doesn’t matter that you’re not CEO, or that you didn’t go to Harvard. The right woman doesn’t care. She mostly wants to know you're a real person 🤷♀️
Link your Instagram account. Even if you’ve only posted a few photos to your Instagram, linking your account upgrades you from “internet stranger” to “actual human.” Bonus points if you actually have a good Insta! And if you don’t have an account, make one now 📲
Verify your photos / account. The verification process is pretty consistent across dating apps: the app will use your phone's camera to confirm you look like your photos. The option to do this usually lives in your app of choice's settings section. VERIFY YOURSELF NOW!! If she even senses a chance you’re not who you say you are, she’s swiping left 👎
Proof points won’t 10x your matches, and they can't make up for crappy photos or boring bios.
But they can take you from "I'm not sure" to “sure let's chat” which is sometimes all you need 😊
One last word for the wise…
Some apps like Hinge let you share hyper-personal info like your:
These aren't proof points, and they're usually best excluded from your profile.
Excessive personal detail is a turn-off.
For example, if a guy’s Hinge profile says he “sometimes uses drugs,” my brain starts wondering...
💭 What does sometimes mean? Sounds like he has a drug problem…
When reality is likely more like...
💭 Maybe he enjoys a psychedelic experience at a Phish concert once in a blue moon…
Don't lose right swipes like this!
Recap & Next Steps
OK, what’d we learn today?
📲 Women decide whether to swipe left or right on your profile based on your (1) photos, (2) bio, and (3) proof points.
😮 There’s a LOT of guys on dating apps chasing after the same women, so you need to nail each of these 3 things to stand a chance.
One important warning...
Knowing how to get more matches is great, but you won't match with the woman of your dreams if you don't take action.
Stop reading, and go:
Take new photos 📸
Re-write your bio 📝
Verify your account, link your Instagram, and create other proof points ☑️