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5 Steps To Get Over A Crush

dating psychology Jan 29, 2022
Man getting over a crush

Can’t get someone you like out of your head?

I’ve been there, and it can be soul-crushing.

Whether it’s an unrequited infatuation, or an ex who abruptly ended things before you were ready, it’s not unusual to slide into an emotional pit when things don’t work out…

Still, the sooner you can climb out, the better 🧗

Why?

  1. Feeling stuck in an emotional pit isn’t fun…

  2. You don’t want emotional baggage weighing you down if you meet someone new!

If you’re currently struggling to get over a crush or a relationship, I wanted to share 5 of my favorite strategies for moving on below 👇

These have been enormously helpful in my personal life, and I hope they’re effective for you too! 

 


 

#1: Worry Less About The “Why”

One of the most torturous parts of getting over a crush is wondering why —

  • “Why wasn’t she interested?”

  • “Why did she move on?”

  • “Why won’t she talk about it with me?”

This line of thinking is natural. If you’re intelligent, you seek to understand the world around you, and desire explanations when outcomes differ vs your expectations.

But it can be dangerous, too.

Why?

Two reasons:

  1. Getting honest answers or closure can be difficult, if not impossible. You may be waiting on explanations that never come…

  2. There are literally thousands of reasons why a relationship doesn’t work out, and many have nothing to do with you!

This isn’t to say that reflection isn’t helpful. Understanding how to put your best self forward is critical for attracting awesome future partners!

But stewing on past mistakes, putting your life on hold to understand or remedy them, and endlessly wondering “what if…” is rarely productive.

To illustrate, think back to previous time you had trouble getting over a crush. The earlier in your life, the better…

(I’m imagining a guy named Nick who didn’t like me back in 5th grade 💀)

Would you advise past you to spend more time worrying about why things went wrong?!

Of course not.

So take some time to wallow in the pain and reflect — you don’t want to bury your emotions and impulses — but set limits.

Regardless of whythings didn’t work out, they didn’t work out.

Another minute spent worrying about the past is a minute not spent being your best self, or finding the future partner who things will work out with.

Onward!

 



#2: Talk It Out

Expressing your emotions to someone you trust can be an effective way to both get out of your head, and get the encouragement to move on.

Calling a close friend who’s willing to listen can enormously therapeutic.

Chances are you’ve thought of this already though. In the case you’ve exhausted your rolodex of friends, and you’re still struggling to move on, consider chatting with a professional therapist.

  • Professional therapists are trained to help you break out of mental ruts

  • Even if your therapist isn’t highly skilled in breakup psychology, you’ll usually get more objective advice than you will from a friend or family member

  • Sometimes it’s easier to open up to someone outside your personal life!

Venting can also help you to understand more about yourself, and what you want (or don’t want) in a significant other.

Commit to getting it all out, including the painful parts. It’s like vomiting — you’ll feel better after! 🤮

Then commit to letting go. Literally telling yourself “I can and will move on” can help 👐

 


 

#3: Resist The Social Media Urge

I know it's hard, but avoid the temptation to haunt your unrequited crush or ex’s Instagram or Facebook.

Better yet, block her.

(No, it’s not weird to block someone you want to stop paying attention to, nor is it anyone else’s business!)

Why?

If you continue to see her posts, you’ll keep thinking about her. Which means you won’t move on.

Mustering the discipline to block/unfollow/mute your crush isn’t easy. But I promise it’s worth it 💪

 


 

#4: Spend Time Doing Things You Love

What gives you joy? To spark some ideas…

  • Hanging with friends?

  • Watching movies?

  • Playing recreational sports?

  • Kicking ass at work?

It doesn’t matter what. Just identify some things you love to do, and do them!

The more time you spend making yourself happy, the less time you’ll spend sweating your crush or ex, and the faster you’ll move on.

If you feel like you’re in a particularly deep funk, try doing something entirely new. It’ll activate new parts of your brain, and help you pave a distinct new path forward in your life.

Just as an example, a close friend struggling with a breakup decided to get serious about pickleball recently, and it’s helped him a ton.

You don’t need to play pickleball specifically. Just think of an activity you’ve been curious about, and book a class or lesson.

And who knows — maybe you’ll meet someone you are compatible with through your new hobby 💖

 


 

#5: Know Your Worth

Like your close friends and parents have probably told you, you deserve better.

And it’s true!

You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them.

If a crush is worth investing in emotionally, she will be attracted to your talents, personality, and all the wonderful things that make you you...

Literally stop reading this, and take out a pen and a piece of paper, and write down 3 things you love about yourself (or will commit to loving about yourself).

Then remember them.

These things help you establish self-worth, which isn’t just a great way to get over a crush, but can also help you attract the right woman 💘

 


 

Recap & Next Steps

Getting over a crush is never fun, but it shouldn’t feel like scaling Mount Everest, and I hope these tips help make the climb easier!

To recap, to accelerate your move-on process, you want to:

  1. Worry less about the “why”

  2. Talk it out

  3. Resist the social media urge

  4. Spend time doing things you love

  5. Know your worth

Try these tips, and stay strong! Leaving a crush in the past isn’t easy, but it’s possible, and you’ve got this 😃



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